wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
