We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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