if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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