I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
