I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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