you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
