I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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