I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
