And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
