In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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