You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize