pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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