I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
