just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
