i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
