OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
