Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize