How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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