I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
