your parents love me but you hate me
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
