I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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