I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
