did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
