his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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