Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
