New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I fill condoms, not promises.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
