my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
