lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
