walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He called his prostate his "boner button".
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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