I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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