I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
