I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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