Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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