i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
