he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i think i have two assholes
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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