you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize