hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
