At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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