Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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