You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just made my gag reflex go away.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
