My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize