Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
