Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
