new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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