Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
