yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
