oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
