Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
