k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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