thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
only you would photoshop your dick
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
