Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
