My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
