the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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