I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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