i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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