Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I believe in your delicious
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
