dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
no you cant smoke seaweed
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
