Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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