well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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