true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
