My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
