I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
3 2 1 whiskey
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
