dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
God, I missed his penis.
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