"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
