Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
