dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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