Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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