I wish I could punch you in the face.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
